I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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