What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
