Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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