shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
