You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
