you have to choose: penises or morals?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
