Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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