btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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