Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
