I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
