Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
