They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
