So drunk its hurt
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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