I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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