I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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