And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
