She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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