Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
