And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
