He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
