I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
birth control should be required to get into college
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
