I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
