I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize