Got a toothbrush?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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