True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize