Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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