that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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