I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So much rum. So many feels.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's rum buckets o'clock
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
