I wish my penis had an off switch
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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