is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
