her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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