I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize