Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
