What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
