I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
