I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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