At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize