Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
