I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
