i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
