i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
sarcasm needs its own font
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
