morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize