i think my mom watched the whole time
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
