a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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