The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize