no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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