The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
