omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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