On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
