Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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