Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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