Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk is not a location!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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