I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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