Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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