My liver just broke up with me...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
