He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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