The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
