That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
