My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i dont even know how to be here
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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