it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
