He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
two words...techno handjob
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize