No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
