Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
