two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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