and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
