You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
