I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
