he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
