She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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