Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
