I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize