Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
