I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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